I sat at a little pizza shop a few months ago, just days after selling the store & admitted to a friend that I didn’t know what I was going to do during my off season. Scared that I was going to be bored. I had never in my life had months without school or work filling my calendar and quite frankly the empty calendar freaked me out. I thrived (or had learned to thrive) in the busy. I associated not busy with unsuccessful. 

My friend suggested traveling and I laughed. I couldn’t do that. My friend gently gave all the reasons I should & didn’t pay attention to me laughing at them. Lots of excuses came to mind but again the thing was I was afraid. Fear was sucking the life out of me. I was afraid of everything. Afraid of what people would think, afraid of not being busy but afraid of being busy, afraid to fail but also afraid to succeed. 

It took a few months of thinking and praying through those fears but one day in December something clicked. I didn’t realize it at the time but inwardly I had just had enough of living a life full of fear and letting it dictate every choice I made. So I booked a trip, and another one, and another one. And oh the lessons learned and joys I’ve had already because of facing my fear. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still moments of anxiety & fear but to be able to stop them before it gets in the way of living. 

The other thing I’ve been learning is that busy does not equal success. And what a freeing, wonderful thing that has been. It was uncomfortable for me the first week of working from home, I thought I had made the worst decision of my life and drove everyone crazy around me. Slowly I began to find a rhythm and be ok with the quiet. Turns out, I do my best work coming from a place of rest & quiet, quality time with family & friends, and I have more time than ever to simply enjoy life. This morning I was sitting in the living room, talking to my mom while the little siblings got breakfast and took care of the farm animals and I voiced to her how blessed I feel to be able to do what I love for a job but have time to enjoy life too. She smiled and agreed. 

I definitely don’t have it figured out in the least, I think the journey is just beginning, but I want to share with you as an encouragement. Stop living your life in fear. Stop letting yourself hustle through life, convincing yourself that it means success. At the end of your life, will you care about success in your job or success in living a life full of meaningful relationships & enjoying what God has given you? 

Romans 12:2  
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.